The Conversation Underneath

"...Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves." - 2 Corinthians 13:5 ESV

Tell me the last time you were completely sure about your own motives, whether it was something good you stepped into or a line you barely stepped back from. If you're like most of us, you had your doubts. Even the good you considered carried a little self-interest along with it, and what you failed to resist, well, part of you is still replaying it.

It almost feels like two conversations taking place at once. One says yes for the right reasons while the other quietly weighs its own advantage. We never plan that divide between what we say we want and what is quietly pulling the other way, and most days we don't even notice it until someone close to us calls it out, or it becomes too obvious to ignore.

Jesus once had a conversation like this about a divided heart with a young man who came kneeling before Him asking about eternal life. He had kept every commandment since boyhood, Mark 10:20, and he meant it. He looked at him and loved him. And from that love, He gave him an invitation he wasn't ready for. "One thing you lack," Mark 10:21. Sell it all, give it away, and follow me. He left torn, because his wealth, his status, and his security called out louder than the invitation. And maybe for the first time he could see that his obedience had been built around a god he could hold in his hands rather than the God who was holding him.

Paul, an early follower of Christ, once wrote words that felt like that quiet inner split we all recognize, "...examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith," 2 Corinthians 13:5. What is underneath what actually controls our motives? Is the life behind our faithfulness fully aligned with the "wisdom from above", or is it divided and hoping no one notices?

And maybe that is why James, the brother of Jesus, begins his description of this wisdom from above describing it as being pure, James 3:17. No, not perfect, but no longer pulling us in two directions. Before wisdom shows up as peace-loving or merciful, it simply appears as pure, nothing else mixed in. One voice where there used to be two. Here is where hope appears, not signaling another virtue we have to produce or get right, not a new draft resolution, or set of higher standards, but simply as David, the psalmist prayed, "...give me an undivided heart," Psalm 86:11, asking God to finish what discipline and willpower never could. Let it do that. Live it out.

Prayer

Father, do in us what we cannot do alone. Remind us that You loved that young man before the invitation and still loved him after it. May that same love bring us back to what is true. Amen.